Dave

I’ve got a list here!

Number one has to be spiritual maturity. And by that I don’t mean age, or how long you’ve been a follower of Jesus. Spiritual immaturity makes discernment hard. 

Then there’s tribalism, which may be over doctrinal preferences. I can remember how one church I was in experienced dreadful battles between the generations in church meetings. Then there’s different church traditions. Our churches are full of people who come from different traditions, maybe with their own worship preferences. 

Thirdly, there are differing expectations of how decision making works in a community. And these might be based on previous experiences of decision making in other places. Are we from a church where the decision making was autocratic? Was it rigidly democratic? Or was it based on consensus? The kind of model we are used to seeing may not fit where we are now, but it may nevertheless be what we are used to.

And finally, and it’s a very obvious thing really, I think a lot of communities find it hard to make decisions because of fear. And that might simply be fear of change. It might be fear of embracing people who are not like us, who don’t think like us, or who interpret the Bible differently. But fear often acts as a barrier to good decision making.

I’ve also got a question bubbling away in my head which asks whether there are models of decision-making that work better in small churches, and others better suited to a larger church.

Simon

Wow, that is a tsunami of wisdom. And I suspect that it’s been hard earned. 

I just want to respond to the first thing you said about spiritual maturity. I was talking about this just a couple of days ago. I’ll make reference to the blog series I wrote about spiritual maturity early on in the life of our blogs. Because in that series I suggested that there’s really not much you need to grow. But one of the factors that is needed is what the authors I refer to in the blog call multi-generational community, which isn’t necessarily the same thing as church. Being part of a community can be an entirely different experience to going to church. 

Churches can reinforce really harmful anti-growth approaches to leadership when leaders are fundamentally dishonest. They are addicted to presenting the sunny side of everything. They only talk about their strengths, which leads other people to lie about their own spiritual lives because their leaders are doing the same thing. And then Church members can easily become incredibly discouraged when they do have struggles because their leaders appear not to have any. What really enhances spiritual maturity is leaders who are open about their struggles and then share testimony of what God is doing in the midst of those struggles. One of the key learning experiences that help people grow is seeing their leaders grow. 

This answers the question why so few people grow in churches, because so few leaders are honest about their own spiritual lives and their own spiritual growth. So I think that’s really important as a kind of undergirding. Frankly in our churches we have a culture of dishonesty, and we don’t have leaders admitting to their prejudices, to their own failings, or reflecting on how they deal with people they disagree with. So everything is kept under the carpet until you get to a church meeting and then, bam, it all explodes.

Julie

This is about authenticity then, isn’t it?

Simon

Yes, about living authentically.

Julie

That’s what’s needed.

Craig

I’ve got a list as well, and I’ve ticked lots off now! My very first one was lack of self-awareness and honesty. I think you’ve dealt with the honesty side really well, Simon. But for me, if I’m not self-aware, I’ve got no capacity to be honest. If we’re not honest with ourselves, we don’t have any hope of being honest with others. And so you can get people coming into a meeting where they’re fighting old battles, perhaps they’re even fighting their parents’ battles. I can think of a non-church context in which there was a group of people who would be fighting battles their parents started years ago. The old battles take on new clothing, but it is basically the same battle that’s being fought again and again. 

Then I think of occasions when I was a junior leader where there were rules that had been adopted in the past that had been put in place to circumvent having to have a difficult conversation with someone who needed confronting. So leaders in the past had avoided a difficult conversation with an abusive individual, and made a general rule that everyone had to abide by but only those who had been in the church for a long time knew the background to the rule. This prevented the whole church from considering what would have been a creative suggestion, because only half the church knew why it was a conversation that the other half didn’t want to have.

One more thing is churches that seem to believe that making decisions is more important than nurturing relationships. And often these churches are led by men. And I don’t mean a male minister, but a predominantly male leadership team where it’s all about ratifying decisions they may have made in their own minds in advance of a Church meeting. I’ve been in leaders meetings where conversation is focused around one simple question: how do we get this through the church meeting? That exact phrase was used, and at the time I was not wise enough to see the dangers. When decisions are more important than relationships, honesty and true discernment becomes a casualty.

I’m a problem solver and I have to say that I do sometimes lie in bed at night recalling meetings I have led when, in advance of the meeting I had looked at a problem or an opportunity from every angle, discerned what I thought the obvious solution was, and then found it very difficult to listen to anybody else. So I’m certainly not standing in judgement upon people who get it wrong.

Julie

So much wisdom has already been shared, so I’m not going to go through my list. I was going to say relationships are key, so I agree with what you’re saying there, Craig. There needs to be a culture where people can be honest about what they think without the fear of being judged. So back to the five fingers model that you were talking about earlier, Simon. Back to leadership being real and authentic and creating that culture where we can hear another person’s view and not feel threatened by it. People can share a view counter to what’s already been said without feeling they were going to be condemned. We need to create a safe space and build trust to encourage honest discussions.

The other thing I would add is time. When a decision feels rushed or pushed through, and there’s not been enough time to air different opinions, people can feel that their voice hasn’t been heard. I know that some decisions have time constraints, and we shouldn’t drag every decision out – you can’t make everything take forever! – that can lead to frustration too as we take too long over something that might be fairly simple. Discernment is about the right timing, God’s timing, and trusting in that.

Roy

I agree with all that is being said and find it very helpful. If I were to add anything, it would be to reiterate what has been said in slightly different ways. Put bluntly, if you’ve got poor relationships, it’s almost inevitable that poor decisions will be made. Likewise, if relationships are shallow or superficial it can lead to platitudes and idealistic and unrealistic decisions. Where there is no honesty on relationships you will find that decisions are taken simply to placate or are based on fear, which is no sound foundation for anything wholesome. 

If emphasis and energy are put on building relationships that value and honour everyone within the church community, this will play a roll in encouraging people to listen well, both alone and together, and to think deeply, having a humility to be open to receive the voice of others with differing perspectives and a willingness to change one’s mind. If we remain entrenched in our attitudes, persuasions and actions, true communal discernment and decision making is impossible. There has to be a willingness on everybody’s behalf to lay down our own agendas, to listen to the voice of the Spirit speaking through the lives of others. That demands not only a humility but a teachableness and a willingness to reflect, re-examine and where necessary to change our views and opinions.These things are often very difficult, both personally and for a church community. To change or move one’s position on a given issue could be seen as a weakness, whereas it may help to lay the foundations to some good communal decision making.